Trial by Fire.

Rosa_Bonheur_-_Portrait_of_a_Lion_-_Prado.jpg

I am uncertain.

I am scared.

I am scared to access all of myself.

And I am scared to leave what was a great relationship, and what has become suffocation and exhaustion.

I am drained. It’s not working—and not for lack of effort.

I know I can’t stay.

Resistance swells.

I try, I try and I am still freaking out.

And then—I am brought here.

And there are flames at my back.

My heart is beating wildly.

A lioness.

I am a lioness.

My hair blowing, smoke rises to the ceiling, to the planets, to heaven, to joy, to beauty and truth, to pleasure, to all that is feminine

And so I sit here.

In my power.

I don’t lean forward, into the mucky feeling of the needs and wants of others.

I lean back.

And I let myself be admired, thoroughly.

I let myself be washed in the divine love

That is sparked in my heart

And it drips, an undying well from above.

I trust this.

I trust me.

I am not stoppable.

And then, the fire softens

Spreading in the sweet petals of a multifaceted flower

And I hear a voice through the shadows, darkness and pain—

I am okay.

And it’s going to be okay.

And I melt into that.

The tears come, and though they are tinged with sadness, there is also joy—

Because it’s not just going to be okay.

It’s going to be beautiful and wild and amazing and sweet.

I know what I deserve.

I know who I am.

And no one can ever take that from me.

I know what I have to do.

I vow to have my Self, more than any love that seems great at first.

So I sit here.

In my power.

In the fire.

And I smile.

Because for the first time in a long time, I can breathe.

I

Am

Free.

Photo: Wikicommons

Special & sweet thank you to Maggie Marie for pulling the tarot card that inspired this writing. <3