sitting in a crowded cafe
wanting to peel my skin off and run away
voices, noises and vibrations bounce off of me like lightning
each impression, emotion, pain and smile sears through me
like maybe i'm paper
emotion rips deeply into me
ripping me apart into cells, dust and ether
like maybe i don't have any skin, like maybe i'm just a soul floating in shark-infested waters
melting muscle and sinew, raw and naked
feeling it all
dance inside my heart.
feeling too much
voices, noises, and vibrations bounce off of me like lightning
i soak it in, like a sponge who desperately doesn't want to be a sponge.
i want to hide
i want to press mute, pause, stop
and make it all go away
let a few tears loose
and keep feeling
and turn the energy into words dipped in pain and wicked honesty
transmuting it all
meant to feel
exactly this much.
maybe it's not comfortable
maybe i wish i could be normal
but i don't really wish that.
i don't want to be a normal, numbed zombie
i want to be dangerously human
so i breathe, feeling the jealousy, insecurity and worry of every passerby
and feeling my own emotions bubbling under the surface, too.
i stop fighting it
i delight in it
i dance in it
i am meant to
there is no flaw, no mistake, no grave error
and absolutely no shame
i am meant to feel exactly this much.
photo: author's own.