on being an empath: yes, i am meant to feel exactly this much.

sitting in a crowded cafe

wanting to peel my skin off and run away 

voices, noises and vibrations bounce off of me like lightning

each impression, emotion, pain and smile sears through me

like maybe i'm paper

emotion rips deeply into me 

ripping me apart into cells, dust and ether 

like maybe i don't have any skin, like maybe i'm just a soul floating in shark-infested waters 

i sit,

melting muscle and sinew, raw and naked

feeling it all

dance inside my heart. 

feeling too much

feeling everything

voices, noises, and vibrations bounce off of me like lightning

i soak it in, like a sponge who desperately doesn't want to be a sponge. 

i want to hide

i want to press mute, pause, stop 

and make it all go away 

instead

i breathe

let a few tears loose

and keep feeling

and turn the energy into words dipped in pain and wicked honesty 

transmuting it all

into art. 

because yes,

i am 

meant to feel

exactly this much. 

maybe it's not comfortable

maybe i wish i could be normal 

but i don't really wish that. 

i don't want to be a normal, numbed zombie

i want to be dangerously human

ridiculously alive. 

so i breathe, feeling the jealousy, insecurity and worry of every passerby

and feeling my own emotions bubbling under the surface, too. 

i stop fighting it

instead

i delight in it

i dance in it 

because

i am meant to

feel

exactly

this

much. 

there is no flaw, no mistake, no grave error

and absolutely no shame

i am meant to feel exactly this much. 

 

 

 

photo: author's own.